Tuesday, 25 August 2015

A non-update

Just an update to say that there is nothing to update.

We heard from our social worker about a month ago. She was asking a question related to our initial application (that should have been destroyed when we filled in a new form following our AEP). This is a question that we've answered at least three times over the years. No one who ever asked the question felt like making a note of it so we keep having to answer it. Over and over.

And that's it.

But wait. Don't feel sad. We're doing just fine. We have children in our lives and we love them and spend time with them. We are taking on some hobbies and also hoping to take a trip next year. When we started the whole adoption journey we really wanted kids. But over the past few years our lives have continued and we've grown and changed and we're not at all sad about where we are right now. We are exactly where we're supposed to be.

We also have a lot of trouble trusting the system. There are great adoption stories and situations that work out wonderfully. There are also times when the lack of information, assistance and safeguards for families and children seem completely overwhelming. Nothing is quite like it was supposed to be. For example, we were told at the AEP that we wouldn't receive pictures or real names in an initial proposal package. As you may have read before we received all that information and more without having to prove who we were. The idea of this lack of privacy for this child makes me feel sick. If something as simple and important as this wasn't taken care of, what other issues might we run into?

Right now our profile is out there and some social worker could consider us as a family and we'd take our time to figure out if we can be that person's parents. We hope to move into a larger but less expensive place in the coming year and plan on doing respite foster care for a while.

I think the biggest thing that I've had to deal with is feeling guilty for being happy where I am. I have felt like a bad person because I'm not actively trying to adopt by checking the bulletins and hounding our social worker. Wouldn't a "good woman" do everything she could to bring home all the abused children she could? Shouldn't I feel ashamed for even thinking that I could be happy and fulfilled if our home just houses the two of us? Letting go of that shame has been difficult but liberating.

I feel bad for all the people who have been following this blog and waiting for all the good stuff... the pictures of our family, the blogging about nightmarish days, the quotes from the kids as they start to create secure attachments. I feel bad for the people who started reading this because they thought it would help to inspire them in their own adoption journey. To all of you folks, I wish you everything that your life is supposed to be but want you to remember that whether you adopt or not, you are still  worthy human beings who can grace the world with love. Non-parents are people too. And they can be damn good people.

We may adopt, we may foster, we may start an animal rescue for a thousand unwanted rodents, we may become religious hermits, we may make a floating home out of pop bottles. We've learned that we don't know and that for now, we can be completely happy and satisfied with not knowing.

No comments: